The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Starting a Meditation Practice
Adapted with permission from a post on Thrive Global
You’ve been meaning to start meditating for a while now, but it hasn’t happened yet. And it’s not for lack of desire.
You’ve heard about countless celebrities, CEOs, and entrepreneurs who credit meditation for much of their success. You've also read about the health benefits of regular meditation — such as reduced stress and anxiety, increased focus and energy, and better sleep.
Who doesn’t want all those health benefits? If only building a new habit was as simple as deciding you wanted the habit in the first place. But we all know that’s not how habits work. If knowing about the benefits of regular meditation was all you needed to begin meditating — then knowing about the health risks of smoking would be all that smokers require to stop smoking. And that’s just not the case.
You’re going to need a foolproof system for building your new meditation habit. And you're going to need some realistic expectations to help you get over the hump and achieve success.
Start small to set yourself up for success
The first rule of building a new habit is to start small and be gentle with yourself. Unfortunately, this is the opposite of what many people do.
Lots of people burst out of the gate with sky-high expectations for themselves. Instead of focusing on taking baby steps with their new habit, they try to accomplish more than they are ready for and overload themselves. This tends to cause burnout and feelings of guilt and frustration. In this mental state, giving up is easy.
We all know that person who vows they will start going to the gym 5 times a week — without having ever gone to the gym more than a handful of times in the same month. That person might even be you!
This much enthusiasm often makes the first week of a new habit relatively easy. But then the second week is significantly more challenging. By the third week, the new habit feels downright impossible to maintain, and quitting becomes inevitable.
What many people need to know is this entire discouraging process is avoidable.
Habit expert and popular blogger James Clear says to build a new habit, you need to make it “so easy you can’t say no.” You should start so small and make things so easy on yourself that you have zero mental resistance to practicing your new habit daily.
“In the beginning,” Clear says, “performance is irrelevant. Doing something impressive once or twice isn’t going to matter if you never stick with it for the long run.”
So even if you want to meditate for 20 minutes daily eventually, do not start there. Think about the amount of time you can devote to meditation today that won't bring up any mental resistance. Does 5 minutes sound doable? If not, how about 2 minutes?
Whatever amount of time you choose to begin with, you want it to pass the “too easy to fail” test. Try not to aim for any longer than 5 minutes at the beginning.
You could probably force yourself to meditate for 20 minutes once or twice as a beginner. But the goal is to eliminate the need to force yourself to do anything in the first place. At this point, burnout is the biggest threat to your new habit.
Don’t beat yourself up for skipping days
Life will inevitably come up, and you will skip a day here and there. That’s to be expected. When a skip day happens, don’t beat yourself up. But make an extra effort to get back on the wagon and meditate the next day. You could even make it easier by meditating for a shorter period than usual.
Remember, this stage of habit formation is all about forward momentum. It's far more destructive to miss multiple days in a row than to shorten your session duration to make things easier on yourself.
Jumpstart your new habit with a built-in daily trigger
In the bestselling book, The Power of Habit, author Charles Duhigg advises you to attach your new habit to a habit you have already established. This way, your tried-and-true habit acts as a mental trigger for your new one. For example, if you want to go to the gym every day, you could choose “getting dressed in the morning” as your trigger to grab your gym bag and head out the door.
In establishing your new habit, you don’t want to rely on the method of trying to “fit it in” to your busy day. It's too easy to prioritize other tasks that have tangible deadlines and consequences and then never get around to meditating. Remember, it's all about setting yourself up for success.
You don’t even want to rely on scheduling meditation for a particular time, like 7 a.m. or 5:30 p.m. Picking a time out of thin air can feel arbitrary and easy to blow off.
The best thing to do is find a suitable trigger during your day to start meditating. You tack meditation on top of it, and now your meditation habit can ride along with some of the momentum of your established habit.
You may want to use waking up in the morning as your trigger to prop yourself up in bed and meditate for a few minutes. Or you could use sliding into bed at the end of the night as your trigger to start your session. Perhaps your perfect trigger is coming home from work and cozying up on your couch to meditate before making dinner. It’s up to you.
Make your meditation sessions enjoyable
Finding ways to make meditation more enjoyable is almost as important as picking a good trigger. The more you take pleasure in doing something — the more you look forward to it — the easier it is to do.
Meditation teacher Light Watkins shares the importance of making meditation comfortable and relaxing in his book Bliss More: How To Succeed in Meditation Without Really Trying.
He points out that meditation is about more than just the long-term benefits. It's also about enjoying each individual session and looking forward to it. Think about how you look forward to sipping your morning cup of coffee or putting your feet up to watch Netflix after work.
You can forget about torturing yourself by trying to keep your back straight or folding your legs into a pretzel shape. Get comfortable.
You want your head to be upright, but your back should be supported by the couch or pillows. You don’t want to be straining your body in any way. After all, your meditation sessions are all about relaxation and stress relief!
Another way to help yourself relax is to add sensory experiences to your meditation sessions. You can light a candle, sip a delicious beverage, or play soothing music in the background. Taking the time to "set the mood" will help convince your brain that meditation is pleasurable and something to look forward to.
What to do with your mind during meditation
You’ve probably been wondering what you’re supposed to do once you’ve settled down and closed your eyes. Many beginners find the easiest method for meditation is to focus on their breath and count the inhales and exhales.
So on the inhale, count one. On the exhale, count two. Inhale, three. Exhale, four. Count up to ten, then start over. Continue like this for your whole session.
Another popular option is to notice the physical sensation of breathing in and out. You could focus on the feeling of your stomach expanding and contracting or the air flowing through your nostrils.
It doesn't matter whether you focus on counting your breaths or on the physical sensation of breathing. All that matters is that you have something to anchor your attention to moment by moment. Breathing happens to be the perfect anchor since we do it every second.
Distraction is guaranteed (:
Spoiler alert: you will get distracted by your thoughts and lose track of your breath. Five seconds into your session, you will probably be thinking, “What should I make for dinner?” — “I wonder when Mark will text me back?” — or “My foot itches.”
That’s totally normal. We all experience this. Just bring your attention back to your breath and make sure not to beat yourself up for getting distracted.
Your mind will always wander; that’s what minds do. It's impossible to stop this from happening, so please don't try to do that. Meditation aims to bring your attention back to your breath each time you notice your mind has wandered, not to stop your mind from wandering at all.
After all, the goal of meditation is learning how to observe your thoughts from a distance. To get some breathing room inside your head. Your thoughts don't need to stop or disappear. They can continue their constant stream while you calmly observe them and then shift your attention back to your breath.
Celebrate your small wins
Each time you come back to your breath, you achieve a small victory. In a way, you are building up reps like you would at the gym during a bench press. Each rep is a small victory that increases your strength over time. This could happen 50 times in two minutes and that’s totally fine. You're just getting your reps in.
The key here is being kind to yourself and celebrating the little wins. With time and patience, you will establish your meditation practice. You can even use this same habit formation system in the future when you're building other habits.
Are you interested in learning more about how you can implement a meditation practice? At KPC, we have coaches who specialize in mindfulness to help you get started. Reach out at Kimberly@KimberlyPutmanCoaching to learn more.
Sources:
- Healthline: [How Meditation Can Help ADHD] (https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/meditation)
Psychology Today: [Meditation and ADHD] (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-widening-scope-adhd/202002/adhd-mindfulness-and-neuroscience)
Verywell Mind: [Mindfulness and ADHD] (https://www.verywellmind.com/how-meditation-can-help-you-with-adhd-5202437)
